A new decade

Oh, hello new decade!

Hello readers,

It is my birthday today. This time is a bit different than other year. I am 30 years old now. I am entering a new decade.

I've been thinking, what kind of a person I want to become in the next 10 years. I think it is important to have it in mind, so I don't waste my life without any plan. I am not sure this plan will stick for the next 10 years, at least I am trying. I am not even sure I will still live for a long long time. The possibility of dying and living is always the same. 

Life is very uncertain and full of possibilities. Things can change in a very short time, but also can not change for a long long time. These uncertainties, makes me want to live my current life fully, but also makes me want to have a general plan for the future. I remember one saying that the only certain in life is uncertainties. 

So, here it is..

I want to be able to fully forgive my self.

I made a couple of terrible decisions. I made unfavourable decisions usually when I was mad or angry but couldn't express my anger in a healthy way. Sometimes it still bites when I remember those decisions. I hate that I made some decisions based on my wounds.

I can see why I made those decisions and I can understand the reasons behind all decisions. It most likely was the best I can do at that time. 

If I live for longer time, I want to fully forgive my self. Forgiving all the imperfections and decisions I made in the past. This journey of forgiving my self have started around last year. I believe what I can do now is to remember and make sure I will not making the same mistakes in the future. I don't want to make any decisions when I am mad. I want to run my life based on love, not based on trauma or pain. 

I want to savour joy

I am an easy go lucky person. I can be happy for small things. I am happy seeing blue skies or random flowers in a park. I can be happy with my garden, my tiny library, and my blue house. Paradoxically, sometimes I feel bad for being happy. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. It's weird.

I know joy will not come all the time. Like any other feelings, joy is temporary. That is why I want to savour all the temporary joy that I have in the present time. I want to practice picturing memory, so I can remember it when I am in the dark place. 

Savouring each moment I am happy around plants and flowers.

I want to take my writing time more intentionally and consistently.

Writing has been very important for my healing and growing. I want to take more time to this special practice. I write in many places. In my diary, blogs, social media, phone, and random papers. I really like that part of me. I want to continue practicing writing and have a better writing habits.

I think it will be cool to try learning other kind of writings. Writing for media, opinions, travel blogs, or popular science articles. I want to explore that and see what will happen.

I want to be more open, honest, and brave

I read a great book called Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. I really like the whole premises in that book. Being vulnerable is very important. I cannot be honest to my self if I am not brave enough to be vulnerable. I think, it makes me more Diny. 

I showed up in difficult times in my past life. I want to do that as well in the future. Showing up has been helpful for my present time.

I also think, by being open and honest, I respect my self better. People can see me as a person, a human, that is not always perfect. Really, perfection is boring. 

"Perfectionism is exhausting because hustling is exhausting. It’s a never-ending performance." - Brené Brown

I learned it mainly from my dear friend. He is really good at it and I really like that part him. It inspires me to be more honest at least with my self. I want that in me. 

I want to keep connecting with people

I like this part of me. I enjoy being connected to people. I like sharing my life with people I met along the way and people who cares about me. I think people has pretty cool stories and by connecting with each other, we can create a better world.

Human is never supposed to be alone. When we lived in a cave back then, we are not supposed to be alone. We are part of community. Back then, alone means dying, still the same with right now.

I believe, connecting with people makes my life more enjoyable.

I want to be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially

Obviously, anyone can do anything in this world if they can be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. It all requires hard work and self discipline. I want that. 

I want to have a better self awareness and mindfulness. I want to have a comfortable life where I have enough savings for emergency fund and pension fund. I want to have a place of my own. It doesn't have to be big. I want a small blue house. I want to be able to travel the world. I don't know how, but I will find a way.

I want to have a better ability to identify, embrace, and address emotions and needs. I want to have that as my super powers.

It is hard to build a healthy habits.

I want to nurture my relationships with my close circles

I really value my personal relationship with my close circles. I hope I can nurture it intentionally. I want to show up in their difficult times. I want to love them better. I want to listen to their stories. I want them to know that I love and care about them. I care abut their stories, their struggles and happy times, and all.

I know I can only show up to an extent of my limitations. I know I won't be able to always be there. Sometimes, I probably hate what they do. Other times, I may not able to be around them or I may not know what to do that it makes them hate me. There will be those moments. But if they still want me to be part of their life, I want to be there for them. That's the only thing I can do to respect their love for me.

I want to respect my boundaries and other people's boundaries

People need boundaries. I need boundaries. I may not always know right away my boundaries, but I will learn it as I go. If I already know my boundaries, I hope I can respect my self enough to hold on those boundaries.

I want to respect other people who says no to me. Sometimes, it is hard because we want what we want. But I want to try to respect it more intentionally.

I want to learn to deep listening

I like talking. I like talking about my self. I often find it hard to listen because I tend to speak more. So, I want to learn to listen more. I want to learn to listen with an open mind and heart. I don't have to speak all the time or tell everyone about my self. I don't have to always explain about my self, not everyone need to hear my random stories. It is really hard for me to listen. I hope I can gradually master this skill.

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I think that is all I can think of right now. It may change gradually or maybe not. It is just an overall goals.

Have a fulfilling life a head, Diny! and happy birthday!

with love,

Diny