A Working Project
March 20, 2021
I saw this picture last week and felt triggered. It is so true that I make my self as a never ending project. For the last year, I have been focusing on healing and improving my self. I wanna be a better person and all those stuff.
Whenever I feel triggered, I spent some time to reflect why I feel triggered? Where is that come from? And think on how to heal it?
But then, it feels like it is never ends. There are always personal condition that I need to work on. There are scars that I need to heal. I am so sick of healing, can I just healed, soon? Is that even a thing?
Or maybe it is called healing because it is a continuous activity. There is no healed, there is only healing. Because it is always a process? Is there any finish line? The finish line probably is when we dead, yea? So, as long as we live, we can live?
If I always wanna improve things, is that means I am not accepting my self? Is that means I don't feel enough?
I talked to a friend about it, she also had similar condition. She told me that healing and improving will take a lot of energy. Where do you get those energies from? Don't you feel tired at all?
But, maybe life is a never ending project? Maybe we will work on it as long as we live?
And it is okay to take a break sometimes. I mean, it is good if you wanna keep improving, but also it is okay to take a break? I mean, for real, right? It is a never ending project but we can take a break whenever we want or when we feel tired. And then start again whenever we want, right?
Maybe, it is also okay to wanna make improvement all the time? Maybe that is just me being me? And that should be fine?
If I am just me, will it be enough?
Maybe because we are human, then it means we are not a project? We are not a never ending project, because we are not a project in the first place. Then, it is okay to just be, without levelling up?
Am I a project or a human?
I am most likely more to a human than a project. So it means, it is fine to just be the current version of me without have an urge to be a better human? Maybe that is okay?
Who is the one who has the right to answer those questions? Probably just me, right? Because it is my life..(?)
So, if I say..
It is okay to just be
It is okay to not improving
It is okay to be just me
just a Diny.
That is probably more than enough, right?
Oh dear, I need to sleep.
