Things that keep me sane

Things will get better, and the sunshine will come again.

I can't believe it is almost the end of 2018.

This year has been a very hard year for me. I experienced rough moments that made me lose my way and lose my identity. At some point this year, I didn't even know who I am anymore. What I really want in this life, why I am here right now, where I want to go in the future. I just don't know.

However, thankfully, I managed to get better. I realized even though this year was hard, I have the best year to learn the most essential thing in my life: my self! I got hurt, I was broken, but I get up, stand strong, and survive.

So, I will write down things that keep me sane this year. Things that I learned in a hard way. I hope if I go through a tough phase again in the future, I could reread this post and know what should I do. Here they are..

1. Know and love my self better
It has always been easier for me to look at other people's strengths because basically, I like people. They are all good and kind and have some interesting part of their life. My friend said it was naive, as I only see the good thing and reject to see the negative part. In contrast, I didn't have the same perspective to myself. Sometimes I forget why I am a good person in general.
So, what keeps me sane? First thing first, I changed my viewpoint to my self. I focused on good things within my life, my attitude, my action, and my thought. I acknowledge the bad thing, but I keep in mind that I will work on it one by one and it is totally normal to have flaws or make mistakes. It makes us human. I learn to love my self better because it is the only way to keep me sane and moving on to be a better human.

2. Listen to cool music
I've never been a good music listener until this year. Well, even until now, I'm still kinda music illiterate. Haha. Nevertheless, this year I listen to music more than I used to be. I usually listen to acoustic, ballads, lo-fi, upbeat, or random song which have beautiful lyrics. So I can stop listening to all of the demons in my head. Those demons keep running on and on and on. I really really hated it. The music keeps my head busy and I could run away from those demons.

3. Writing my thoughts
In another time when music didn't help, I wrote down things that keep buzzing my head. I wrote down everything, even a tiny details. I wrote it in a book or sometimes on my phone. It feels so good to let out the negative thoughts from my mind. It feels great too to write positive minds for my self. When I had a better day, I will look back and reread things that I wrote. It does help to know if I am getting better or not. Somehow I could look at my own progress and see how things could get better over the time.

4. Talking to best friends
I am lucky enough to have best friends who are only a phone call away. Some of them live far away, some of them are around. Sometimes when I feel down, I texted them or call them. I remember one time, I had a terrible night. I knew I could get a major panic attack if I didn't do something. So, I called my best friend right away and talked to her for almost 1.5 hours. She keeps me alive. I didn't have a panic attack that night, which was great. The other day, I felt so down without knowing why. I let my best friend know then he took me home. We had a random weird talk, laughing together about silly stuff, and eating together. Then, voila! Things got better.

5. Talk nicely to my self
We tend to be harder for our own self. We criticized our self to some point where we will never do it to other people. I try to change it. I try to be there for my self. Encourage my self. Be a loving partner for my thought. I try to change "I can't handle this" into "You got it!", or "I can't keep up" into "I know it is hard for me but I am trying my best and work hard for it". Something like that.

6. Let my self felling a hard time
Sometimes when I had a mental breakdown phase, I just let my self feel everything. I think it helped me to let out all my emotions. I let it go by opening the door for it. I cried. I froze like a zombie. I didn't talk to everyone. I didn't do anything. I just feel what I feel like I want to do. After the phase passed, I suddenly get better! But, I prefer to avoid factors that could lead me into breakdowns then to experience breakdown itself. Mental breakdown is very weird and sucks! I don't like it at all.

7. Give my self-space from negative or judgmental people
There are certain people who will always point out the flaws in you. Whatever you say, whatever you do, they will know the bad side of your life. I try to love myself enough to let go this kind of people. I already have demons in my head, I don't need to add bad things to my self. Bye!

8. Get a sleeping routine
I work more effectively and efficiently during the day when the sunlight is still around. For me, night time is much harder than during the day. Then, I set my sleeping schedule. I always try to be in my bed around 9 pm and sleep around 10 pm. I woke up around 5 or 6 am in the morning. At least, I could get 7-8 hours of sleep per night. I read it somewhere, when we go through a hard phase, it is good to have a good night sleep. Also, I better sleep tight than having a mental breakdown! Hahaha.

9. Getting professional help
At the end of this year, I finally decided to seek professional help. It wasn't as easy as I thought tho. The clinic on campus was fully booked until the semester ends. The counselor outside campus either can't accept my health insurance or can't accept a new patient. So, even though I have a will to seek professional help, it is not as easy as it seems. In the end, I got an appointment with the counselor on campus and I felt much better after I talked to them.

***

Being at an unfortunate time in your life is not easy at all. And people take it differently. Some people may get hit harder than other people. It is totally okay to have a hard time and struggling with it. Feel it. Let yourself know how it feels like. Then, let yourself heal. You deserve to be better and get better. It may take time, but as long as you are trying, you are great!

I hope you are always healthy inside out, but if you are not, I hope you let yourself heal and get better.

Cheers to good things in life!

xoxo